Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
