she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
