She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
