my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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