I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
