i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
