I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize