I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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