UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
