Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize