he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
