I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
