I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
