Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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