the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize