wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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