Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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