And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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