Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
