That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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