How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
