I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
