I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
