Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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