The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
