I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
