i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
