This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize