Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
