Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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