Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
