Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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