Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
