I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
