Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
