just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
