Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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