I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
