the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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