That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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