I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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