maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
