i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
