TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
