tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
