She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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