I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
