I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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