i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
