I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize