I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
