yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
