69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
