PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
