I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
