i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
