nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
