Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
