May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize