Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize