Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
