i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
