you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
