well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
