ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
