I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
