I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
