What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
