So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
