get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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