gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
