Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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