Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
