I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
