there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
