I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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