she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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