No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize