She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
