Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
