her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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