woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
