You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
wow bdsm is so cute
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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