I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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