I want to have your abortion
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
