I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
