Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
