You can't special order awesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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