Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
