Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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