..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
