i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
