He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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